I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
