Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
