Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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