Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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