I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
