he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
