I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
