Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
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And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
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do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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