Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
