the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
