Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
