i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize