oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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