Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
