All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
where am i from again
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i drank out of a bidet.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You pole danced in your parka.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
