i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
