Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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