My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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