She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
