i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
