Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
