i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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