I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
