I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
