based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
