Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
