glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
