he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
