I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
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