she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
