are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
