I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
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i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
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I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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