So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize