i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
