girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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