dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
