We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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