he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
