Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
a search helicopter?!
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
