I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
