I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
