i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I am naked and annoyed.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
