So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
