If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
