why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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