4 words: hood of his car
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
