did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
