What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
