with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
