what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
