I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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