hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
