i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
