I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
