I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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