Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
