As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I currently don't understand fingers.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
