So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
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I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
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he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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