I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
