Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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