it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
