You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
