we have pet lesbian snakes
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
