God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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