apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
