I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
