Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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