so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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