Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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