Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
