she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
