Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Holy sore nipples Batman
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
