i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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