Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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