the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
